As of November 1st, I have been teaching for a whole month. I'm not exactly sure where the time has gone, but it definitely went somewhere! Although the days now seem to have flown away, while I was in the middle of each, it seemed as though they were extra long. I am learning a lot about teaching, about people, and about myself.
I know everyone says the first year of teaching is hard and while I believed them, it has been even harder than I ever imagined. First of all, setting up a classroom with pieced together supplies is crazy. By the end of the experience (i.e. two days), my mom and fellow teachers would ask me what I needed/where I wanted things and I couldn't even tell them because I was so zombified. Secondly, kindergarten is the first experience kids have with school, these kids do not know what acceptable classroom behavior is. My class is made up of kids that started their first six weeks with another teacher. New classroom, new classmates, new teacher, new routine, new rules...it's enough to make even an adult's head spin for a while. So we are still trying to work out all the kinks and get used to each other and it's pretty chaotic and frustrating for me. I'm finding that my classroom management skills are even worse than I had previously suspected, which is fairly disheartening.
I have also learned that even though I grew up learning that we humans are sinful from birth, I did not necessarily fully believe that fact. I kind of thought that kids were sort of like blank slates in many ways and that if guided and taught well, they would likely turn out to be respectful and generally mean well. I see now that this is not necessarily the case. A kid could have the best parents ever and still end up the worst person ever. Reminds me of how we have the best Dad ever and how we don't always listen to His guidance and sometimes ignore His discipline.
Another truth I am beginning to understand better is that my life has been incredibly blessed and I have been protected from a lot. In fact, I have been so protected from hardship that I am finding that I do not have the skills to handle it well when it comes along. What's even worse is that my "hardships" are nothing compared to many people's every day issues.
God has been telling me that I need to count it all joy. During His time as a human, Jesus did not exactly have a super easy life. First thing after he was born, Herod was trying to get him, then the Pharisees later on in life. He lived in constant danger and on top of it, he knew that he was going to endure a horrible death. Yet, he faithfully served his purpose to love on people and to share with them the Father's love. "A man hath no greater love than this, that he should lay his life down for his friend." God may not be specifically asking me to literally die for those around me, but He is asking me to die to my own frustrated, weary, self-centered feelings. I must CHOSE joy, put myself aside and reach out to my students, coworkers, and everyone else I come in contact with.
One last lesson that God has been pressing on my heart is that as a part of the body of Christ, I do not function well without the other parts. It's like bones trying to move without tendons and muscles and nerves, etc. It doesn't work very well. In college, I had the privilege of being in almost constant fellowship with other believers. When I would read about the church in Acts, the similarities between the group in Acts and the group I was with were many. Now that I am back home, I do not have that fellowship. I find that my faith is not quite as strong; I'm more apt to be lack with my prayer life; and I just don't live as boldly for my Savior. Have you ever noticed that Jesus spent a great amount of time with His followers? And when you read about the church in Acts, they also spent a large amount of time with each other. This whole "go to church on Sunday and leave immediately" routine that I've fallen into feels like it is slowly draining the life out of me. Just as I am starting to feel recharged from worship and the sermon, POOF!, it's time to go home and get on with the rest of my life. It leaves me feeling bewildered, confused, and a bit disgusted. I think it is because deep down, the Holy Spirit tells me there is MORE to be had. My problem is now to BE the change I want to see. I am so exhausted from working 50-60 hours a week that all I want to do is go home and vegetate. I have been praying for the will-power to overcome my selfishness, but it's an uphill battle (but isn't it always?). The good thing about going uphill is that I have a God who can move mountains. So maybe I'm just making mountains out of molehills? :)
May your days be blessed and your nights full of praise!
