The End of a Season

Tomorrow will be my last day in Bozeman for a while. The thought saddens me, and yet, I know that I am stepping into a new set of opportunities that will help me grow as a teacher and in my faith. Next semester, I will be living at home once more while I student teach in a first-grade classroom.

I'm really excited to be able to fully devote my time to my students. During my practicums, I had to prioritize classwork over really serving my students to the best of my ability. I also feel like I am going to learn more about teaching this next semester than any other semester. It's going to be challenging, but rewarding.

Not only will I be learning a lot, but I will be getting to spend time with my family. I am not really sure where God is going to take me after graduation, so being able to be with my family for a whole semester is a blessing.

As my college career in Bozeman comes to an end, my life as an educator begins.

Queen of The King

Sometimes we realize what we are getting ourselves into when we ask God to show us something. Most of the time, we are clueless. I find myself once again in this place.

The XA Burn was kicked off a couple weeks ago. At one point while we were worshiping and singing, Jesus was reminding me that I am His bride. Those who know me well know that one of my most heart-felt desires is to become a wife and mother. One of the songs we sang was "Faithful to the End," and one of the lines is, "You're jealous for Your Bride." God has told me time and again over the last nine months that I am His Bride. That line just kind of hit me that night. I am HIS bride. I am already married! HOLY BUCKETS!

As I was thinking on that, something else hit me. I am married to a KING! My thoughts immediately went to, "I don't even know how to be the wife of a regular, earthly man. I am super selfish and can hardly fathom being married even though that's one of my deepest desires. Shoot! I am married to a KING! What does that even mean?!" So, because we were worshiping, I did the only thing that seemed logical at the time. I start singing, "Show me what it means to be married to a king."" I sang that several times over. Nothing magical happened; the band moved on to the next song and so did my thoughts.

The next day I was reading a friend's blog, and he talked about how worship is not just singing. It's about a right relationship with God, and that our lives should worship the Most High. I had heard this all before, but God added to it. He had been convicting me about how I had been behaving in class, wasting time and procrastinating getting homework and other important tasks done. As it so happens, I had watched Princess Dairies 2 earlier in the week. At one point, Queen Clarice tells Mia that as royalty, they are held to a higher moral standard than everyone else. God pointed out to me that since I am married to a king, I am a queen; I am royalty. Therefore, I am held to a higher standard.

As His wife, I represent Him. People judge Him through the actions of His bride. My life has to reflect my relationship with my Husband. I have to show how much I love Him. With my life, I want to worship my Lord. As I am sitting in a class that seems pointless; as I am doing homework; as I am interacting with people around me, I must chose to behave, speak, and react as my Jesus would. For me, this means I need to put more effort into my school work, and I need to make time to exercise and treat my body well. I have to love and pray for the people that I have a hard time being around.

This is partially what it means to means to be the queen of the most powerful King of the universe. Since I am married to Him, I need to be in constant communication with Him. I am accountable to my Husband for how I spend my money and time. There are going to be times when I am going to have to chose Him over my friends and family because we haven't had good quality time for too long.

The great part about being married to Jesus is that He is a romantic. He is going to continue to woo and pursue me. Just as in earthly marriages, my love for Him will grow deeper as I get to know Him better all of the days of my life. My prayer is that I will truly become one with my Husband; that people would not be able to tell us apart. "Is that Jesus or is that Breann?" It's going to be an amazing journey as the queen of the King.

A New School Year

School starts a week from Monday. Holy Buckets, where did the summer go?!

My summer was fantastic. Jesus continued to work on my heart and teach me things. He's been teaching me how to view everyone through His eyes. Sometimes this can be hard, especially people that are prone to hurting my feelings or obviously could care less about me. He's taught me that when I am getting a bit fed up with someone, the best thing I can do is pray about them. I pray that God would let me see that person through His eyes and that He would touch them with His love and that they would just have a better day. It's completely amazing how praying those three things can truly impact the way you feel about a person; the effect is almost always immediate too. I dare you to try it. :)

I worked at the pool again this summer. Sometimes you don't realize how much you missed something until you do it again. I really do love working at the pool. Swimming lessons are my favorite part. Kids are so stinkin' hilarious. For example, during one of my classes with 3- & 4-year-olds, I was reviewing the pool rules that we had talked about. I asked them, "Do you remember the pool rules?" The following are the answers I was given, "No food." "No gum." "No sandwiches." "No dogs." and my favorite, "No elephants." One of the craziest parts of doing lessons this year is that if I get to student teach here in Glendive, I will very likely have some of these kiddos in my class again. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, lol.

I leave for Bozeman in two days. My brain is having a hard time processing that fact. I have a really hard time with change and there will be a LOT of changes this year. For one thing, as is part of college, many good friends have moved on to a new stage of life. I am going to miss them a lot. Another change- I will be back in the Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship house for the fall semester. This will be an interesting transition as we will have a new house director, almost a completely new set of renters, and a new school year. A third item of change is a new load of classes/professors, along with a new practicum. Those are just a few of the changes I can think of off the top of my head. I would definitely welcome any prayers you'd like to send my way over this stuff. :)

It's another new season in my life. Although it's scary, it's also exciting. I'm going to do my best to put my hand in God's and let Him lead me wherever He may wish....."My Jesus, 'as you wish.'"

(Ten points to anyone who can place that reference.) :D

My Semester

This past semester was a hard one. My schoolwork kept me insanely busy. I spent more time at school and working on homework than ever before. I was in class all morning, then was in a classroom all afternoon for my practicum (it's kind of like being an aide), and then I would go home and do homework. On top of that, I also had commitments almost every night of the week. That was stressful. What's more, I had some issues with some friends, and a great guy friend wanted to be more than friends and I had to figure out if I wanted make that change in relationship, too. By the end of the semester, I was totally burned out. Through all of it, God was good though. I had to trust that He would help me get everything done and that I wouldn't have a mental breakdown. Just before I would cave from the stress, He would refresh me so that I could keep going. Looking back, I am so thankful for His kindness and love. I know that I could not have made it without my Rock.

School has been over for five weeks now. Finally last week, I felt like I had pretty much recovered from what was the hardest semester I've faced so far. I am finding my joy again, and am starting to look forward to the future once more. School is going to be even harder next semester, but I know I can do it with His help. I found some verses a couple weeks ago that I decided to memorize because I feel like they express the emotions of my heart. I know that they will bring comfort in this coming year and for the rest of my life...may they do the same for you.

"Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise His Holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things He does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all of my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle's."

Psalm 103:1-5

My Age

It has become quite apparent throughout this school year that I have reached another one of those stages of life where major things occur. Middle school is a major stage because you hit puberty and start the journey of discovering who you are as an individual. At the age of 16, we get a small taste of freedom when we earn our driver's license. Senior year is major because for many we are deciding where we want to learn how to be an adult; we are allowed to participate in making decisions for our country; and if we feel it's necessary, we can legally use tobacco. Then comes the 21st birthday...woo?! (I would probably find this more exciting if I actually liked alcohol...)

So what's so special about this year? While my friends have been talking about weddings and babies in their friend circles for a while, this is the first year that it has really hit my circle of friends. Being a hopeless romantic, it has been really fun for me to watch my friends fall in love and start planning their weddings. A few have been married for a bit and are now starting families. The majority of the time, I rejoice with my friends and take joy in their happiness. Every once in a while, though, I fall prey to the thought of, "When is it going to be my turn?"

God has placed within me a deep desire to be a wife and mother. I have loved the man I will marry since I was little. In the same manner, I already love and treasure the children we will have together. That being said, I have yet to even go on an actual date. That fact, in and of itself, has been disheartening at times. I have gone through periods of wondering if I wasn't pretty enough, talented enough, sweet enough, etc., etc. Since moving to Bozeman, God has been telling me what He thinks of me.

He has given me revelation after revelation of His amazing love for me. He has been telling me how much He adores me, and He tells me of the traits that make me so special. He thinks I am the most beautiful girl in the world. He loves how I delight in His Creation. He sends me sunny days just to see me smile. He even sings country songs to me. Jesus is romantic like that.

I have found complete contentment in God's love for me. His love is perfect. He knows every flaw, every thought, every doubt, and yet, His love never wavers. It leaves me in awe and wonder.

Now, I am not perfect. Every so often, I still long to love and be loved by that one special guy. In fact, sometimes my desire for that is so strong, my heart almost physically hurts. But I know that God's timing is perfect. With this knowledge, I cling to my Perfect Lover, the Lover of my soul, my Loving Father, my closest Friend. Jesus wants me to love Him first and most. He completes me in ways that no human ever could. He has instilled within me this deep knowledge, and because of this, I know that even if I never marry, I will always be married to the perfect Husband. I don't think that God will ask me to be single forever; but if He does, I will be content with His love.

So I have reached the age where people start getting married and having babies. No big deal. God's got it all under control.

My Major

I am majoring in Elementary Education, K-8 option. I have finally started taking classes on "How to Teach ....". We are 5 weeks into the semester and I am not yet sure that these classes are really going to help me, other than I should be able to write lesson plans in my sleep by the end. This portion of my program is called "Blocks." For those of you that remember, or have been around it, this merely means I have started the methods and practicum portion of my program. There are two "blocks," block A and block B. This semester, I am in Block B.

The biggest difference between the two blocks are the particular classes. Block B includes Teaching Elementary Science, Social Studies and Established Literature for Grades 4-8. Block A includes Art, Music, Math, and Emergent Literature for Grades P-3. Both Blocks include a practicum, which means I am in an elementary classroom for half the day, four days a week. I will be student teaching Spring of 2012 and then graduating in May.

Currently, I am commuting 20 minutes to my practicum classroom. It got interesting today when it started blizzarding. Rather than taking 20 minutes to get home, it took 40. The rest of the U.S. cancels class for that kind of weather. Here, we dig our cars out of 2 feet of snow and go to class, even though we aren't always sure if we're on the road any more or if the car in front of us just seems to know where it's going. I vaguely remember having snow days a couple times when I was little. Most of those times, school was still in session. We just couldn't get out of our yard because of the snow drifts. I also remember Mom bundling us up and having us walk the half mile down the hill to the bus stop. Garrett and I had a blast rolling down the hill in all our snow gear. Those were the days!

I enjoyed school quite thoroughly back then. As I've grown older, I've lost my love for it. I've also become quite jaded towards the university system. I feel like most of my professors know their content, but do not know how to teach. I've also learned to BS my way through papers, not a skill I'm very proud of. I've also lost much of my creativity, which saddens me a lot. Hopefully, I can inspire my students in ways that my professors fail to do for my classmates and myself. I feel hardly prepared to take on my own classroom at this point. I can only hope that two and a half more semesters will help me feel more confident. At least I am enjoying spending my afternoons with a bunch of kindergarteners, and apparently, haven't completely missed my calling.

My Heart

What do I have a heart for? Jesus. He loves me SO much, whether I have been seeking after Him or only my pleasures. Now the latter doesn't make Him happy, but He still loves me.

Did you know that the Romans had to come up with a new word to describe the love they were seeing displayed by the early Christians? That word was "agape," an unconditional love. I want to love people with agape love, just like my Jesus loves me with agape love. It's definitely not something I'm very good at, but as I learn to know Jesus better, who He is, what His character is, I hope to learn to love like He does.

You always hear that you act and speak like your friends. So if I want to learn to act and speak in love like Jesus, I have to spend time with Him. Growing up, reading my Bible and praying seemed like a chore. I rarely did it because I wanted to. Jesus has been wooing me though. Wooing? Yes. Wooing. And I am falling in love with Him more and more. He treasures, knows, and loves me like no one else can. I find myself wanting to spend more and more time with Him. When my eyes start crossing from reading my textbooks, and I can't comprehend the words on the page, I can open my Bible and comprehend and desire to read for hours. Jesus is my best friend, my Savior, my Lover, my rock, my shelter and I want to follow Him forever.